The word "group" or "project?" HUH? WHICH IS IT, PUNK???
My students confound me, Dear Reader.
As you may know, I teach computer animation online. Every session, there is a group project that for some reason completely confuses the entire class. I will admit, the question, which I did not write, as worded is a bit convoluted, but it breaks down to: Do some research, and tell me about the use of 3D graphics in the industry.
Did your brain explode yet? No? Huh. Well, every time we get to the week that has the group projects, I can hear students' heads popping like grapes. In a microwave.
Because this assignment throws about 80% of my students (which, conveniently, corresponds to the percentage of native english speakers I have who can't put a sentence together no matter how much I beg) I try to rewrite it to clarify the objective of the assignment.
This session, my best rewrite yet, NOBODY did the assignment. NOBODY!!! In a million years, Dear Reader, would it occur to you to simply not do a project that was worth 33% of your grade?
That popping sound you hear is my grape exploding in the microwave.
And what's more? In one group - and only one - two people actually did some of the research, and then turned their pieces in separately. SEPARATELY!!!! Did the definition of "group" change when I wasn't looking? Does it only apply to porn now? God, I'm stupid. What could I be thinking, "group project?" What a mo I turned out to be, huh?
You know what I really hate? When someone says, "gee, tell me what you really think!" I just did, asshole. And now I think I hate you.
Now, everybody knows that a "group project" usually ends up with one person (usually me, and, I suspect, you too, Dear Reader) doing all the work and putting the final report together, right? That's a universal constant right?
Then why do I get angry email from students who can't believe that they actually have to put a final report together? And I truly mean that They. Cannot. Believe it. Like, I'm some kind of crazy person for even suggesting such a thing. CRAZY PERSON! AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
I'm working on my next rewrite:
Find out about 3D graphics. You, you and you, pool your info and put together a report. You, spend more time sending bitchy email to me than it would take to do the entire project yourself. You and you, don't turn in anything and then complain that you didn't know when it was due. Whew (brushing off hands)! Did I forget anyone? Oh right, you, do a whole lot of work that has nothing to do with anything in this class, don't turn in anything that is ACTUALLY due for this class, and then draaaaaaaag out the opportunity to make up for it and pass the class, and then in the end, don't turn in anything.
I made that guy write an essay on teamwork. And then I never read it.
One must entertain herself in order to survive, Dear Reader.
time for a little cuteoverload...