Lately, the Universe has been telling me how incredibly datable I am. Yeah, you know what Universe? Talk to the hand.
Driving down Robertson of a recent morning, minding my own beezwax, I caught frenzied waving out of the corner of my eye. "Roll down the window, ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW, I refuse to learn how to drive or plan ahead, and I'M SOOOO IMPORTANT AND I DEMAND TO TURN LEFT IN FRONT OF YOU!" waving.
Also, he was on the phone, natch.
So I roll down the window, as I am a VERY NICE GIRL and give good directions, or, just in case, to tell him to fuck off. It's always good to have a Plan B, girls.*
"Hello, I was just talking to my friend about you- actually, can we discuss this over dinner?"
If I were in Mary Worth (to whom I can't link for some reason), there would be a ???!?!?!?! next to my head (much like now because of the whole no link situation).
"Um, no thanks."
"Uh... no thank you."
"Because... I said so?"
Unfortunately, Plan B got lost in the flabbergast.
Later that weekend, in Kansas City (report to come), I was again minding my own beezwax at the Farmer's Market.
I need to stop minding my own beezwax, I guess, is the lesson here.
I was looking at some jewelry on a table in front of a shop, when NOTT-Hott-George-Lucas saunters over - yes, saunters - and starts up with the ICK.
"That would look lovely on you."
"Uh, thanks (fierce ignoring going on, trying to slink away)."
A few steps later:
"Oh, that would be nice for you as well."
Notice how he didn't even offer to BUY it for me? What the hell is wrong with people these days?
Luckily, this one was more hip to "trying to make herself look small and hiding in a hole till you go away" body language, so there wasn't a big "cause I said so" episode and I was free to keep trolling for antiques. Phew.
Needless to say, this technique most likely WOULD work for Ewan McGregor. You are welcome to try it out any time, Ewan, and we'll see what I can do for ya.
and IIIIIIIeeeeeeeIIIIIIIIIIhhhhhh will always...(gasp)... love YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUhooooHOOOOOO...
*I am reminded of an amusing Plan B from a few years ago: At Benihana, two guys around the corner of the table were bugging me. Finally I told them - get this - that I had had to identify my fiance's body at the morgue a week ago and didn't feel like talking to them. Worked like a CHARM, ladies, so keep that in your back pocket for any emergencies that may arise.