Oh, I totally forgot to include one thing about the Best Christmas Party EVAR!
After my inspired turn with the Vibraslap (mind. out of gutter. NOW.), my hand was bruised... ALL THE WAY THROUGH.
Puffy and purpley-black on the palmar aspect, as one might expect, this monumental bruise extended back into the meat of my hand, and turned the dorsal aspect between the first metacarpals a lovely green shade apropos for any holiday occasion.
It was wicked awesome!
PS: I love anatomy, as you may have noticed, Dear Reader. It makes me sound smart when decribing my various idiot danger-mouse injuries over the years, like the time I changed a lightbulb in a very high-ceilinged room by standing on a chair on top of a vintage dinette table that was designed to have a leaf, and, as it turns out, breaks in half quite readily.
Wish I had a picture of THAT bruise.
Just inside the anterior superiour iliac spine, this bruise might have been a puncture wound, had I fallen just a tisch harder - at any rate, it took about seven weeks - SEVEN! - to heal. I couldn't lean on the bar at work at all. Yet another time I managed to barely not kill myself. Yay!