A confused young man called me long distance yesterday. Confused, that is, upon whom the burden of apology and shut-the-fuck-upness applies with regard to a wrong number being reached. Herewith, a point by point examination of his telephone etiquette mistakes various and sundry, along with some helpful tips:
Em, I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong number.
Hello, this is So and So... may I speak with So and So?
I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong number.
My mistake! Sorry to bother you.
No problem! Have a good day.
I'm sorry, who's calling?
I'm calling for Richard.
I'm sorry, there is no one here by that name, I believe you have the wrong number.
Is this Los Angeles? Lemme talk to Richard.
I'm sorry to have bothered you - but is it Los Angeles I'm calling?
Yes it is, but there are other area codes. Try 213 or 310.
Thanks very much.
Is this 323-xxx-xxxx?
Yes, but you have the wrong number, I'm afraid.
No I don't.
May I ask, have I dialed 323-xxx-xxxx?
Yes, but I'm afraid it's the wrong number.
I must have written it down wrong. Thanks!
You don't have to be a total bitch about it.
I'm sorry, all I said was that you had a wrong number.
No I don't. Bitch.
Me getting back to making pancakes after hanging up the phone.
Calling back one hundred times, spewing various misogynistic slurs.
Me cooking pancakes and listening to music, no phone ringing.
Wasting one's hard earned money calling a wrong number long distance to get the last word in when clearly the second party doesn't care what the other party does or thinks, resulting in the second party's winning the entire episode by default.
Take phone off hook, make pancakes, play with pets, hum contentedly. Doo doo doo.
I hope you have found this brief review helpful, Dear Reader, clearing up any confusion you may have. No one likes a rude phone caller. Especially not ME.
doot doo doo...