As not yet seen on Cake Wrecks...

I love Cake Wrecks: When professional cakes go horribly, hilariously wrong.  If I had a job, I'd totally attract the wrong kind of attention at work while reading it.  Shooting Diet Coke out of your nose while laughing is hard to keep quiet, Dear Reader. 

So, now I check out the cake aisle at the store... if I ever go in one, that is, which is rare.  Because Pink Dot boys tend to be very cute, actually (except I use yummy.com but everyone knows what pink dot is so I'll just go with that plus it sounds funnier).  Um...I digress. 

So now I'm checking out the cake aisle at the store, and what do I find on my very first outing?

Why naught but The Moistestestest Cake EVER!

When Jen over at Cake Wrecks asks for submisions, her criteria include "... smeared frosting on a baked good... ."  I think this qualifies.  At first I got distracted and was generally discombobulated because they completely rebuilt the local grocery from the ground up and I wasn't exactly sure what I was looking at but.... this blewwwwwww myyyyyyy mindddddddddd echooooooo

OK, so I'm imagining the person in back looking at their work and thinking, "There you go, cake!  Here let me just get that for you...(licking forefinger in a mom-on-first-day-of-school-I-need-to-tame-this-cow-lick-fashion)...wipe wipe wipe... "Perfect!  Off you go!" 

Eh.

There were more than one of this particular design, by the way.  Pink AND red cowlick cakes could also be had!

All this cakey fun reminds me of the good old days back on the ranch.  Not THAT ranch, folks, the old Culver City homestead of yore.  I'd explain what my actual job* was there, but then your eyes would glaze over so I'll just say it's computer animation for like, Spider-Man type movies.  Exciting, glamorous?  No, trained monkeys could do our department's* job:

(There were a bunch of Feb(moi)/March birthdays.)  The birthday cake buyin' person in or midst actually asked for a Wreck before it was cool.  Also, it's Kosher!  It took her a long time to convince them to actually do this, apparently ("Make it weird.").  I think it turned out nice.  I still have one of those plastic monkeys somewhere, along with the Baby J from a King Cake I nearly choked on the same year.  Happy Birthday to me, February Girl!

In related cakeology, did you know you can't get Carvel Fudgie the Whale cakes in California? 

For the Dear Uninitiated Reader, Fudgie the Whale is Carvel's traditional Father's Day offering, and is in fact a repurposing of the Santa Claus cake mold used for the holidays.  Which makes it already super awesome.  Awesomer still is the traditional inscription:  "To a Whale of a Dad."  Man, I miss those commercials.

Anyway, I had to order this one from New Rochelle, NY and overnight it in dry ice to Culver City:

It says "To a Whale of a Match Mover." 

Um.... ok, so matchmoving* is animating cameras in the computer... don't worry about it.

The person for whom this cake was ordered got the nickname Fudgie because he most cruelly misled us into thinking there was ice cream cake in the kitchen one time, to MUCH GENERAL DISMAY.  BAD FUDGIE. 

However, since even supervisors call him Fudgie now, I believe my revenge is had.  And it was definitely served ice cold.

The fun part was talking to the guy at Carvel in New Rochelle about the inscription: "Matchmover."  "Match what?"  "Match MOVER, like Match, M-O-V-E-R."  "Is that one word?"  "Sure."  "Two words?"  "I've seen it both ways, actually.  One word is good."  "(pause) ... what does that MEAN?"  Finally I had to email it to him.  He was a great sport.  I guess he eventually decided two words was best.

So Cake Wrecks is now part of my daily four step program of avoiding the reality of the job search/being a professional author.  Sorry, five steps now, since I've added obsessing about Eric on True Blood.  He's not even my type, Dear Reader.  Well, he's an asshole so actually I guess he is.  But he is SO HOT FOR ME!  Lucky for Sookie.

wow, just wasted the whole day, good job, me!
x

*so, if you really care what matchmove is (few do):  imagine a movie with a fully digital character, like Stuart Little.  (Stuart's fake!  Don't tell!)  Say there's a shot where Stuart is talking to his mom and Dad and they are all in the frame like this:

So, obviously, there is a live action shoot with Geena and House.  Later on, the film from that shoot is scanned and digitized so that it can be manipulated in the computer.  If you've ever seen a "Making of" thing on TV, you know we have all this software, so what happens is, trained monkeys create a virtual camera in 3D space that matches the real life camera, its position, lens, and movement, etc.  Match...move.  Asleep yet?  It's computer animation for movies and stuff.

Comments

[Joseph]

I love you Erica!

[mllex]

There was no cake! You said there was ice cream cake in the kitchen! THERE WAS NO CAKE FUDGIE!!!!!!!!!

[Joseph]

I was singing a Christmas song in my cubicle. This Song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=T8enbSQJlAI

[mllex]

while I admire your sticktoitiveness with this excuse, I DON'T ACCEPT IT! BAD! BAD FUDGIE!

heh, the dictionary wants me to change fudgie to wedgie...