Wahmbulance!

holy. fucking. shit.

my student posted this and he will be shown excessive unfair favoritism directly!

Sometimes bad grammar makes me [laugh].

As you may recall, Dear Reader, I teach the magic of animation to the great unwashed online.  Most times, my students infuriate me, puzzle me, or just plain make me want to shoot myself in the head, sporting an unbeatable combination of poor grammar, lack of instruction-reading, and obvious flyover state tendencies.

The grammar... THE GRAMMAR!

Every once in a while, though, they do make me grin.

Consider this student, proposing an educational project on the dangers of drunk driving:

"...We really want to impact the viewers.  Consider it to be a "shock and ah [sic]" effect. ..."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

She wants the tone of the site to be one of "disgust and despair."   Seriously, this has to be the best proposals I've gotten since Three Porn Site Guy.  Of course, she's serious about it, and it's certainly a serious topic, as well as one close to my heart, and she's actually written a very good proposal, and I think it's totally going to get an A, but at the same time... AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Naturally, co-worker, bitch session partner, and fellow grammatrix Daphne summed the whole thing up in a nice little package:

"Heh...if they were honest, [disgust and despair] would be the tone of match.com."

Yup.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
x

Which part didn't you understand?

The word "group" or "project?"  HUH?  WHICH IS IT, PUNK???

My students confound me, Dear Reader.

As you may know, I teach computer animation online.  Every session, there is a group project that for some reason completely confuses the entire class.  I will admit, the question, which I did not write, as worded is a bit convoluted, but it breaks down to: Do some research, and tell me about the use of 3D graphics in the industry.

Did your brain explode yet?  No?  Huh.  Well, every time we get to the week that has the group projects, I can hear students' heads popping like grapes.  In a microwave.

Because this assignment throws about 80% of my students (which, conveniently, corresponds to the percentage of native english speakers I have who can't put a sentence together no matter how much I beg) I try to rewrite it to clarify the objective of the assignment. 

This session, my best rewrite yet, NOBODY did the assignment. NOBODY!!!   In a million years, Dear Reader, would it occur to you to simply not do a project that was worth 33% of your grade?

That popping sound you hear is my grape exploding in the microwave.

And what's more?  In one group - and only one - two people actually did some of the research, and then turned their pieces in separately.  SEPARATELY!!!!  Did the definition of "group" change when I wasn't looking?   Does it only apply to porn now?  God, I'm stupid.  What could I be thinking, "group project?" What a mo I turned out to be, huh?

You know what I really hate?  When someone says, "gee, tell me what you really think!" I just did, asshole.  And now I think I hate you. 

Anyhoo.

Now, everybody knows that a "group project" usually ends up with one person (usually me, and, I suspect, you too, Dear Reader) doing all the work and putting the final report together, right?  That's a universal constant right? 

Then why do I get angry email from students who can't believe that they actually have to put a final report together?  And I truly mean that They.  Cannot.  Believe it.  Like, I'm some kind of crazy person for even suggesting such a thing.  CRAZY PERSON!  AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

I'm working on my next rewrite:

Find out about 3D graphics.  You, you and you, pool your info and put together a report.  You, spend more time sending bitchy email to me than it would take to do the entire project yourself.  You and you, don't turn in anything and then complain that you didn't know when it was due.  Whew (brushing off hands)!  Did I forget anyone?  Oh right, you, do a whole lot of work that has nothing to do with anything in this class, don't turn in anything that is ACTUALLY due for this class, and then draaaaaaaag out the opportunity to make up for it and pass the class, and then in the end, don't turn in anything.

I made that guy write an essay on teamwork.  And then I never read it.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! 

One must entertain herself in order to survive, Dear Reader.

time for a little cuteoverload...
mlle_x

Best Student Project Proposal - EVER.

I know this may shock you, Dear Reader, but I was a bit of a rebel in school.  Oh, I've pulled a few scholastic stunts. 

I've written a paper using The Godfather to explain why The Old Man and the Sea sucks so very, very much.
 

I've written essays whose sole purpose was to tell Mrs. Anderson to fuck off and die five paragraph style, yo.

I've written scathing criticisms of books I haven't even read.

And I've gotten As on all of them.

But, for whatever reason, it's never, ever occurred to me to propose porn (all emphasis mine, mispellings left alone).

Re:ASSIGNMENT 3: FLASH ANIMATION PROJECT PROPOSAL
 Ok, I am a bit late with this, I intended to do it last night but we had company at our house and it would have been rude and all.
 
My three concepts have to do with what will be one site that will be an actual working website at the end of this or shortly there after, depending on how long it takes to get all the content together for it.
 
Site 1: ACupCuties.com - Yes, its an adult site, all of mine I suggest will be, because primarily the sites I have designed in the past have been and most of the sites I do in the future will be.  So I may as well do something that focuses on what I do, it will keep it interesting for me.  This site is what it says, it covers a niche, small breasted women, my only obstical to this is it isn't going to be easy to come up with content for it.
 
Site 2: BabesWithBeautifulBreasts.com - This one allows me to be more far ranging, and just keeps it to one niche, breasts, not something so limiting as a single size. Easier to get content because it allows for a mix rather than one size only.

Site 3: BigBustedBabes.com - another niche in the adult industry, but honestly its totally overdone, so its not my front runner at least right now, but in doing my content search it could very well become the one.
             
Potential problems with any of these, for anyone that might know a thing or two about the adult entertainment industry is content, and 2257, which is a regulation that I am not going to get fully into right now but will a bit later, but it makes it harder to come up with content and will keep me from using thousands of images I already have in my possession that I can't get proper information on right now.  And in doing this site I would prefer to keep to the legalities I am faced with within the industry since I may very well use and promote this site afterwards.
             
For now that is it.

             

I mean, don't get me started on that 2257, Dear Reader.  Seriously.  I'm so not kidding.

going to erase my browser history now,
mlle_x

When Did Everyone Turn So Fucking Stupid? or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Teaching Illiterate College Students.

Actually, I think that says it all... but if you want more details, Dear Reader, please do continue reading.

As some of you may know, I am teaching a multimedia design and animation course for Art Institute Online.  Why?  Well, I actually do enjoy teaching (come on, it gives me a reason to entitle a piece "When Did Everyone Turn so Fucking Stupid?" what more could you ask for?), and the extra dough will come in handy as I try to restore my heeeeeeeeedious 70's renovated kitchen to its glorious past.

Notice I say "its glorious past," not "it's glorious past." 

Why? 

BECAUSE IT'S PROPER FUCKING ENGLISH, AND DON'T FUCKING ASK ME AGAIN.

Dear Reader, I don't expect my students to be grammatical Rhodes Scholars, but there is nothing more dismaying - and a-fucking!-noying - than a bunch of otherwise smart kids who can't write in their mother fucking tongue  to save their own lives. 

Notice I say "than," not "then."  Note as well my use of "their," not "there" or "they're" or even "theyre (and notice the double-entendre there?  That was all me, y'all.)." 

Why?  See above.  I've been swearing too much already, cabrón.

So, I gently suggested that my kids review a website of Mlle X's Grammatical Pet Peeves, because I, for one, tend to throw out resumes and bizarre come-ons (not come-on's) from fat old latino men, and someone is going to toss their (not there) resume too (not to), if they keep going the way they are.  'Cept I said it nice like, tho.

What do I get back?  "I use'd microsofe Wrod to type my answers believe me it would be 80% worst if i din't"

Grammar Dictatrix Sez:

WRONG!

Are you  sending me a response justifying your god-awful writing skills?  I can't tell, because your fucking writing skills are so fucking poor! 

Next up... fun with plagiarism!  And more tales from the California Outback!

mlle x